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Of all the stages of life, most women tell me they’d least want to revisit—it’s puberty. If you’re an adult, you survived it too. And like me, you probably have some fond memories, but also ones that bring back the awkwardness of body changes, asking your mom to buy pads or tampons so you didn’t have to face the dreaded checkout counter, or the stress of period leaks and the uncertainty about your body.
Now imagine your child going through all of that, but in a world that looks very different from the one we grew up in. Today’s tweens and teens have access to more information than we ever did, with Google at their fingertips and shows like Sex Education on TV. But despite this, puberty has changed dramatically, bringing new challenges that many parents—and even doctors—may not fully understand. From earlier onset of puberty to the prolonged experience that stretches out over years, and the increasing exposure to explicit content online—our kids are navigating a whole new landscape, and we have to keep up.
Understanding these shifts is crucial for guiding your child through this delicate time.
In the latest episode of On Health, I’m joined by two incredible experts who are deeply immersed in these changes. Vanessa Kroll Bennett, a puberty expert, writer, and entrepreneur, and Dr. Cara Natterson, a pediatrician and the mind behind the New York Times bestselling series The Care and Keeping of You, bring their expertise and warmth to our conversation. Both are moms of teens themselves and co-hosts of The Puberty Podcast. Their new book, This is So Awkward, is a phenomenal guide to understanding the landscape of modern puberty so you can better support your child through this vulnerable and often tumultuous time.
In our discussion, we explore key aspects of modern puberty and how you can support your tween or teen. Their insights are more than just tips—they’re lifelines for helping your child navigate this critical stage of development with confidence and resilience.
Listen to the full podcast episode for a lively and powerful conversation full of wisdom drops and truth bombs that will put your mom-mind at ease.
And please share this with all the mamas you know who might need it!
Early Puberty: What's That About?
Picture this: your bright-eyed, playful eight-year-old daughter suddenly asking you about bras or why she’s starting to grow hair in places she didn’t expect. Or your nine-year-old son, who just last year was chasing butterflies, now noticing changes in his body that leave him puzzled. This is the reality many parents face today as puberty creeps in earlier than it did for us. Experts link this shift to a combination of environmental factors, such as exposure to endocrine disruptors found in plastics and personal care products, and the heightened stress levels our kids experience in today’s fast-paced world.
So, how can you help your child when puberty knocks on the door so early? Head over here to my article and podcast on this topic.
Social Media: Balancing Connection & Protection
Let’s be honest—when your tween comes home from school, tosses their backpack on the floor, and immediately grabs their phone, they’re not just watching cute dog videos or learning new dance moves on TikTok. Social media has become their go-to for everything from fashion advice to understanding their changing bodies. But as Cara, a pediatrician and mom, points out, “The internet can be a double-edged sword—while it offers a wealth of information, it’s also a minefield of unrealistic body standards, cyberbullying, and exposure to explicit content that can shape their perceptions in unhealthy ways.”
So, how do you walk the tightrope of allowing your child to engage with social media while protecting them from its darker sides? Start by sitting down with your child and exploring these platforms together. Ask them to show you their favorite accounts and videos—this not only gives you insight into what they’re consuming but also opens the door for conversations about what’s real and what’s not. For example, if they’re following fitness influencers, you can discuss how everyone’s body is different, and what works for one person may not be healthy for another. Set clear boundaries, like no screens in the bedroom at night, and encourage them to take regular breaks from social media to engage in offline activities that boost their self-esteem and well-being. “And remember,” Vanessa might quip, “they can find out how to cook an egg in an air fryer on TikTok, but they still need you to teach them how to scramble one in real life.”
Normal Mood Swings or Serious Concerns?
We all remember those teenage years when one minute we felt on top of the world and the next we were in the depths of despair because our best friend didn’t text us back. Mood swings are a natural part of adolescence, driven by the hormonal rollercoaster that is puberty. But in today’s world, where teens are also grappling with academic pressures, social media comparisons, and a global pandemic’s lingering effects, it’s more important than ever to distinguish between typical teenage angst and something more serious, like depression or anxiety.
Think of mood swings as summer thunderstorms—brief, intense, but they pass quickly. Cara describes it as “the difference between a quick downpour and a storm that just won’t let up.” If your child seems down for days or even weeks on end, doesn’t want to hang out with friends, or loses interest in activities they used to love, it might be time to dig deeper. Start with a simple, non-judgmental conversation: “I’ve noticed you’ve been feeling down lately. Do you want to talk about what’s going on?” Listen more than you speak, and let them know it’s okay to feel what they’re feeling. If their mood doesn’t improve or if they start talking about feeling hopeless, it’s crucial to reach out for professional support. Early intervention can make all the difference, so trust your instincts as a parent—if something feels off, it’s worth exploring further.
Building Resilience: Empowering Your Child to Handle Social Pressures
Your child comes home one day looking troubled, and after some gentle prodding, they confess that someone at school made a comment about their body that left them feeling uncomfortable and unsure. Or perhaps they’re hearing peers talk about sexual experiences and feel pressured to grow up faster than they’re ready for. These are scenarios that many parents will encounter, as today’s tweens and teens face sexual pressures from a younger age than ever before.
To help your child build resilience in the face of these pressures, start by having ongoing, open conversations about body autonomy, respect, and consent. Vanessa likes to use real-life examples or scenarios they might face, asking, “What would you do if someone at school made you feel uncomfortable about your body?” This role-playing helps them develop the language and confidence to set boundaries and assert their comfort levels. Emphasize that they have the right to say no and that their value isn’t tied to their appearance or what others think of them. Building this foundation of self-respect and assertiveness will not only help them navigate puberty but will also serve them well into adulthood. As Cara puts it, “It’s about teaching them to stand tall, not just physically, but emotionally too.”
The Importance of Un-Shaming: Creating Safe Space for Conversations
Remember the awkwardness you felt as a teenager when it came to talking about anything related to sex, periods, or body changes? Now imagine if your own child is feeling that same discomfort, compounded by the confusing messages they’re bombarded with from peers and media. Shame thrives in silence, and if we don’t talk openly about these topics, our kids might turn to less reliable sources for answers—sources that could lead to misunderstandings or even harm.
The first step in unshaming these conversations is normalizing them. Use anatomically correct language when discussing body parts and functions, and make it clear that nothing is off-limits. For example, if your child asks about periods, instead of just glossing over it with euphemisms like “Aunt Flo,” explain it clearly: “A period is a normal part of growing up for girls. It’s when your body sheds the lining of your uterus, and it’s something that happens every month.” Then the euphamisms can be an inside joke or code when needed.
If your child is hesitant to talk about all the things – or anything – get creative about finding opportunities where they might feel more comfortable, like during car rides or while cooking together. Aviva suggests, “Car rides are golden—no eye contact required, which can make even the toughest conversations easier.” Let them know that their feelings are valid, that it’s okay to ask questions, and that you’re there to support them without judgment. The more we can reduce the stigma around these conversations, the more empowered our kids will feel to navigate puberty with confidence.
It’s Not Just Your Child Navigating Their Puberty Era – You Are, Too!
Navigating your child’s puberty can feel like a minefield, not just because of what they’re going through, but because of what we, as moms, face too. It’s incredibly hard when our kids suddenly reflect back our own insecurities, frustrations, or shortcomings, sometimes with brutal honesty. You might hear things like “I hate you” or “You never understand,” and it can feel like an attack on everything you’ve worked so hard to build as a parent. It’s natural to internalize these comments, but it’s crucial to remember that they’re often coming from a place of confusion or pain in your child.
Cara and Vanessa reminded us that the hardest part of being a mom during this stage is staying grounded in your own sense of self-worth and not letting these moments shake your confidence. Weathering this storm means holding space for their emotions while also taking care of your own—knowing that this is just one part of the journey, not the whole story. And it’s okay to seek support for yourself, too—whether that’s through friends, therapy, or just a quiet moment of self-compassion.
As modern puberty continues to evolve, staying informed and proactive in your approach is more important than ever. By understanding the unique challenges your child faces and providing them with the right tools and support, you can help them navigate this period with confidence and resilience. For a deeper dive into these topics and more expert advice, I invite you to listen to the full conversation on my podcast. It's a resource packed with insights that every parent needs to hear.
Join us on this journey—after all, we’re in this together, and a little humor, warmth, and the right guidance can go a long way in making the path smoother for our kids- and ourselves! .
